What causes insecurity?

One of the people whose way of practicing spirituality has helped shape my own spirituality, and has helped me deal with anxious emotional process is the late Anthony De Mello. He was a very radical Jesuit priest, whose view about life in general would make people consider him callous and insensitive. Sometime ago one of my friends (now late) came to visit me for the first time and was admiring my library. This friend asked my opinion on what type of books to read. So I selected couple of books that I felt would be a good read based on what I know of this friend.

I came back from work one day, and to my surprise this friend was reading one of Anthony De Mello’s books on the shelf, The Way To Love. I said to my friend you shouldn’t be reading that book, it might be a little too radical for you, and sure it was. “This guy is so insensitive and heartless, how can he even say those things about love, does that mean we don’t have to grieve for our loved ones when they decide to end the relationship…… ” my friend said angrily. I receive similar reactions from folks when they engage me in discussions relative to relationships or life in general.

I have been pondering on the word insecurity lately especially as we approach the new year and some people are making new year resolutions. I believe that everyone at a point in their lives experience insecurity of some sort. It could be about not having enough money in the bank; not having a job; not knowing what the future holds; not knowing if their spouse is seeing someone else (in that case just poke out their eyes, lol). It could also be about their level of education; physical appearance; health; and the lists go on.

So what is this insecurity? Well, Anthony De Mello views insecurity as an emotional turmoil within oneself. If this is the I case, I sure do have insecurity. Mine is not having a little girl. There is something about little girls within the ages of 5-7 that warms my heart. I thought that my first son was a going to be a girl to the point that even when the ultra sound report established that we were having a boy, I thought that the doctor must have made a mistake. I am sure there are other insecurities that I might I have but suffice to say that we all do have insecurities but of different magnitude.

I bet that if someone asks us what make us insecure, we may say things like, I don’t have the kind of education that I need; I don’t have the type of girlfriend, or boyfriend that I need, or something else. To put it in another way, we would point to some outside phenomenon not knowing that our insecurities are generated internally. Insecurity is caused by the emotional programming of oneself. Something that we tell ourselves in our heads. If we change our programs, our insecurities would disappear in blink of an eye. Some people are insecure because they don’t have money in the bank, others feel insecure even though they have millions in the bank. Some people are insecure because they have no friends or are single, others feel insecure even in best of relationships. How then can we deal with our insecurities? I will explore this in my next blog. If you are interested in this topic, please leave a comment after reading this blog.



Filed under Spiritual Care/ Counselling, Uncategorized

2 responses to “What causes insecurity?

  1. Evangelist Julia Matts

    Dear Father Jacobs,,,,The TOTAL lack of insecurities may be viewed as ARROGANCE…wouldn’t you agree? I agree that re-programming ourselves and encouraging ourselves DAILY is a way to deal with the insecurities that plague us. But I also think that outside counselling and encouragement is (most of the time) a neccesity to learning (re-programming) how to overcome life’s insecurities. For example…using myself (ok…here we go…) as an example….I used to be insecure about what people thought of me…this lead to being different in the presence of different people or groups of people. When I saw someone else , a close friend, do this very same thing it caused me to take a look at myself and think about how fake I must seem to people (again worrying about what others think of me)…so I decided to LEARN to just be myself around EVERYONE…whether or not they may like it…..this led me to be the person I am today…REAL, unappologetically! See, I did not like what I saw in my friend…a lack of genuineness…plastic fake laughs…etc. It no longer matters to me if someone does or does not like me…I LIKE ME and that is important. I still harbor insecurities (I believe we are lying if we say we do not…or maybe we are just ARROGANT …LOL!), but I believe that by looking at myself clearly through my own eyes, and those of Jesus, those insecurities take a back seat to the love I feel for myself. After all, Jesus loves me whether or not I deal with inner turmoil…and who better to help me deal with that than The Holy Spirit who understands me completely?

  2. Anne Selkridge

    Dear Father Jacobs,
    Most of the time people feel insecure because they have too many thoughts running in their heads. Let us have the mind of Christ, and put on the armour of God: a spiritual protection. Moreover people or Christian people do not know who or what they believe. Know yourself is important. Walk in the light,be aware, be alter,be vigilant,guard your mind and your heart from the evil of this world.Rev… You said it right we can change our programs,our insecurities will disappear in the blink of an eye . You know why?They have a carnal mind, a mind of flesh and not of Christ and instead of God.
    However, those who are non Christian who deal with insecurities, All of your Anxeties all your cares take them to Jesus and leave them there never a burden he cannot not bear never a friend like Jesus. Have faith, repent of your sins and return toJesus,prayer,followship and Love The Lord with all of your mind and all of your heart.

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