Category Archives: Spiritual Care/ Counselling

Dealing with personal difficult emotional issues: Family, Psychological, Relationships, Parenting, & Career.

What causes insecurity?

One of the people whose way of practicing spirituality has helped shape my own spirituality, and has helped me deal with anxious emotional process is the late Anthony De Mello. He was a very radical Jesuit priest, whose view about life in general would make people consider him callous and insensitive. Sometime ago one of my friends (now late) came to visit me for the first time and was admiring my library. This friend asked my opinion on what type of books to read. So I selected couple of books that I felt would be a good read based on what I know of this friend.

I came back from work one day, and to my surprise this friend was reading one of Anthony De Mello’s books on the shelf, The Way To Love. I said to my friend you shouldn’t be reading that book, it might be a little too radical for you, and sure it was. “This guy is so insensitive and heartless, how can he even say those things about love, does that mean we don’t have to grieve for our loved ones when they decide to end the relationship…… ” my friend said angrily. I receive similar reactions from folks when they engage me in discussions relative to relationships or life in general.

I have been pondering on the word insecurity lately especially as we approach the new year and some people are making new year resolutions. I believe that everyone at a point in their lives experience insecurity of some sort. It could be about not having enough money in the bank; not having a job; not knowing what the future holds; not knowing if their spouse is seeing someone else (in that case just poke out their eyes, lol). It could also be about their level of education; physical appearance; health; and the lists go on.

So what is this insecurity? Well, Anthony De Mello views insecurity as an emotional turmoil within oneself. If this is the I case, I sure do have insecurity. Mine is not having a little girl. There is something about little girls within the ages of 5-7 that warms my heart. I thought that my first son was a going to be a girl to the point that even when the ultra sound report established that we were having a boy, I thought that the doctor must have made a mistake. I am sure there are other insecurities that I might I have but suffice to say that we all do have insecurities but of different magnitude.

I bet that if someone asks us what make us insecure, we may say things like, I don’t have the kind of education that I need; I don’t have the type of girlfriend, or boyfriend that I need, or something else. To put it in another way, we would point to some outside phenomenon not knowing that our insecurities are generated internally. Insecurity is caused by the emotional programming of oneself. Something that we tell ourselves in our heads. If we change our programs, our insecurities would disappear in blink of an eye. Some people are insecure because they don’t have money in the bank, others feel insecure even though they have millions in the bank. Some people are insecure because they have no friends or are single, others feel insecure even in best of relationships. How then can we deal with our insecurities? I will explore this in my next blog. If you are interested in this topic, please leave a comment after reading this blog.


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